Saturday, September 13, 2008

Confessions of Momma Greenlunn

When I started this blog in January 2008 it never occured to me that transitioning from being at home on Mat leave to being a full time working mother would be so hard. I knew it would be hard but I didn't realize it would be THIS hard. Most days I feel like a failure. Like nothing I do is good enough because there just isn't enough time in the day anymore to do things right. Mornings are a race to get out the door. After work it is a rush to get to daycare, pick up Ian, get home, figure out what to make for dinner, feel guilty if it isn't as healthy as I'd like, bath time, play time, bed time, do laundry, clean bathrooms etc and flop exhausted into bed for tomorrow's race that starts all over again. So being back to work has been a transition. It has been about slowly letting go of 'perfection'. Which is much, much harder than it seems. It is letting go of control and realizing that this is the new normal. Leisurely making a gourmet dinner after work is just no longer an option. Having everything perfectly in it's place (including my sanity) is no longer an option either it seems. So for now the greenlunns are doing the best they can to keep it together. To juggle those millions of balls and not being too hard on ourselves when we drop a few of them.

So here go a few confessions: Living life green hasn't been as much of a priority in the last few months. It seems I'm always forgetting to bring my cloth bag with me to the grocery store, and the cloth diapers haven't seen much use in the last few months. It pains me to admit it. It does. The truth is that for the next little while I'll have to rely on all those other good people out there saving the world while I work to save my own little world and try to keep our household working. This doesn't mean we aren't living green, we're still doing most of thing things we've committed to doing -I'm just acknowledging that at this very moment in our lives keeping sane has become a bigger priority than being uber-green. So instead of pretending I'm 'super-mom' who can save the world and work outside the home full time, stay sane and be a good mom. I'm acknowledging that: I'm not perfect. I can't do it all -and maybe for now that's ok.

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